GIFTS

"Hello, you've reached the White House..."

"Ah yes, who can I speak to about purchasing a Congressman?"

"Sir that would hardly be legal!"

"But I'm a citizen!"

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. And which Congressman were you interested in?"

"Um I'm really not sure... You see it's actually a gift."

"Oh how thoughtful!"

"Yes I wanted to get something different for my girlfriend..."

"That is very sweet sir, but I'm afraid that Congressmen are fairly expensive."

"Oh; and Senators?"

"Even more sir. However, buying a Congressman's vote on a single issue is much more affordable."

"Really?"

"Yes sir. Does your girlfriend have any particular interests?"

"Well, she's big on dolphins and those things..."

"Well you could buy a Congressman's vote on deep sea fishing rights, then! Those bills that are trying to preserve the dolphins!"

"How much would that be?"

"About fifty thousand for a Democrat and 200 thousand for a Republican."

"Wow! Why the big difference?"

"It costs much more if they have to vote for something which is against their party platform. If you'd wanted to buy a vote on say... burning the homeless, it would be the other way around."

"Oh I see!"

"But sir, if you really want to get her something very special..."

"Yes?"

"You could get her a Presidential vote!"

"Wow! He's for sale too?"

"They're all for sale sir, the best government money can buy!" .

Copyright 1998 by Luther Conant III